“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
Ever feel like you were made to do something bigger than what you’re doing right now? Ever ask the question, why was I born? What’s my purpose?
I asked myself those questions constantly. On the news, I would see missionaries going to third world countries to help the poor, and I couldn’t help but think, wow these people are so lucky. They have found their purpose in life, and they are living it out everyday.
But how could I ever do that? It seemed overwhelmingly impossible to me. I’m just a mom of three kids who struggles to accomplish the mundane everyday tasks of bathing, feeding, and cleaning, never mind flying across the world to help the poor.
I wondered, is that my only purpose in life? To take care of my kids and clean my house? Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s an important one, but there must be more.
Deep down I felt like I was missing out on something. Some days the strong urge to be a part of something bigger would consume me. Those were the hard days.
I prayed to God that he would use me for his purpose and that he would show me what path I was supposed to take. But I never felt like I was getting an answer, or at least the answer I wanted.
After I would pray I kept having this thought that I needed to stop drinking. It was such a random notion that I breezed right past it. It had nothing to do with finding my purpose, plus I loved wine at the end of a long day. I refused to believe that it was God asking me to give it up.
So I pushed those thoughts aside until one day I prayed and started to ask why? Why did I have to give up something that I loved?
And the voice whispered back, “I need to know you love me first, more than you love those other things. Take that leap of faith for me and I will show you your purpose.”
I knew at that point it must have been God, because it definitely wasn’t me, and every time I prayed, I kept hearing the same answer.
After wrestling a long and stubborn battle, I finally gave in. I got to the point where I wanted to stop feeling worthless and instead find my purpose. I wanted it so badly that my heart ached for it and so I took that leap of faith.
It’s been a slow and challenging process yet in the midst of it all he has calmed my restlessness and freed me from my discontentment. He’s opened doors that I never thought were possible like starting to write and share my story. And I know this is only the beginning. I can’t wait to see where he takes me next.
It’s comforting to no longer have to wrestle with my guilt or feel like I’m missing out. I’ve done what I had to do and know it’s Gods turn to show me what’s next.
Have you ever felt God calling you to do something? Have you been wrestling with it for a while? Chances are there’s a reason for it. If it feels overwhelming, try to take a baby step and ask God to help you. Ask him to open the doors, if that’s what you’re supposed to do. He is a faithful God if you sincerely ask and follow him.
Take that leap of faith and see what happens!