I knew I was in a bad relationship, but I chose to stay. I clung onto the hope that it would get better. And it did for a while, until the next big argument happened and the cycle would start all over again. The one where we would make up, it would be good for a while and then another huge argument would implode.
Our relationship was volatile and I was emotionally stuck to him. I thought I loved him and that if I prayed hard enough he would change and we would become this perfect couple with a solid relationship.
But it didn’t change and it didn’t get better. In fact it got worse. Yet I wasn’t willing to leave the relationship.
So why is it so hard for us to make a change?
1. WE TRY TO DO IT ALONE
We are extremely good at justifying to ourselves why we can’t do it. So much so, that it debilitates us from ever-moving forward.
“We often limit ourselves by deciding we can’t do something before we even try. When we tell ourselves the answer is “no” before we ask the question, we’ve stopped our growth and our path to success.” (The Tony Robbins Group)
That’s why you need someone who you can trust, your spouse, best friend, parent, or anyone who is strong enough to remind you why you wanted to make the change in the first place. To push you back on track when you start to veer off. To help you stay focused on the end goal.
2. WE FOLLOW THE CROWD
It’s so easy to get caught up in what others are doing. I hate feeling left out; I always want to be included. So when others are doing the very thing I am trying to change, it’s really easy to say, well they’re doing it, so why can’t I?
But they aren’t you, and you aren’t them. You are on a different path, one that is only for you to live.
3. WE DON’T PLAN AHEAD
It’s guaranteed that when you make a change there will be roadblocks. If you don’t prepare for them in advance, it’s easy to crumble when they jump in front of you.
You can’t predict all of the roadblocks, but you do know from past experience a few that might come up.
You know yourself best, so think about some that might come up and then write them down, or talk to someone about them. Simply acknowledging the roadblocks will weaken the power it holds over you.
4. WE WANT TO CHANGE, BUT WE DON’T
I fall into this trap a lot. I really want to change, but I don’t want to put the effort into doing it. I don’t want to sacrifice my current habits, ways of doing things, or my lifestyle in order to make the change.
For example, I want to get rid of my post-pregnant tummy, but I’m not willing to give up my late night snacks to do it or I want to get out of a bad relationship, but I’m not willing to be lonely.
Until you reach that point where you are willing to sacrifice the necessary things in your life in order to get the results you want, you aren’t ready.
And if you’re not ready, it’s OK. But then acknowledge the fact that you’re not ready and stop beating yourself up about it.
Give yourself permission to relax and not stress about it. It will happen one day, when you’re ready and when you want it more than what you’re doing right now.
5. WE DON’T INVOLVE GOD
Not involving God is like putting on a blindfold and trying to find your way out of a corn maze. You can’t see, you don’t know where you’re going and you don’t have the first clue on how to get out.
God is the foundation underlying your success. He is the one who will show you the way out.
When I stepped away from the church and God, I was constantly looking for answers on how to be happy and live a great life because the fact was I was miserable. I read a few self-help books like the Happiness Project, and although they had some good advice, they were missing the most powerful and influential part. God.
And unfortunately, I’ve made this mistake way too many times. My personality is to go for it. I’m quick to make decisions and I don’t take the time to sit on it, to wait and pray about it.
But I am learning and getting better at it. The more I involve God in my life, the more fulfilled and content I feel. The best life changes are the ones you’ve prayed about, waited on and expended effort, sacrifice and hard work to achieve.
So did I ever get out of that bad relationship?
Yes, I did. But it was hard. It took sacrifice, bravery and a whole lot of help from God.
It’s funny, because at the time, I wasn’t going to church and I put very little effort into praying or talking to God. I basically had pushed him out of my life. Yet, of all the reasons I should have left the relationship including the arguments, the emotional manipulation, and the crazy rages, it was because he wouldn’t go to church with me even if we got married and had kids.
And that, for some reason, was the deal breaker. Even though I wasn’t close with God at the time, he was still looking out for me and gave me enough wisdom to know that I needed to marry someone who believed in him.
Change is hard! It takes courage, effort and stamina. But if you address those 5 barriers, you will be on your way to great changes and living you!
1. Change Your Story. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/stories/change-your-story/