“If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” Matthew 16:25 (NLT)
“Will you reverse your vasectomy so we can have another baby?” I sobbed.
“No way! Are you crazy? We already have three and aren’t going for a fourth. We decided I would get a vasectomy for a reason.”
I knew my husband wouldn’t be happy about the idea, but I thought at least he would consider it. After all, I had gone back to work full-time so that he would have the opportunity to start a new career. Although I was happy to support him, I felt left out; I wanted something for me too.
It seemed like I was having a mid-life crisis at 34. I was no longer content with or fulfilled by my life; I dreaded going to work and everything I did seemed pointless.
Was there something wrong with me? I had so much to be thankful for: a supportive husband, three healthy kids and a roof over my head. Yet, no matter how hard I tried to shake it off, I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out on my own life. I struggled with questions that attacked me daily like a swarm of bees: Why was I born? What was my purpose? No matter how hard I tried to distract myself, these questions were constant companions.
It was at that point that I approached my husband about the possibility of another baby. I needed those feelings to go away and I thought this could be the solution.
The solution however, wasn’t what I thought. Those feelings were indicators from God that my life had gone off track.
In Matthew 16:25, Jesus says to his disciples, “If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”
When you aren’t living out God’s purpose for your life, those anxious, off-kilter feelings will invade your head and your heart.
That’s because life isn’t about YOU, your goals, wants or desires. YOUR achievements will not save your life, give it meaning, purpose or hope. Jesus says what will is by setting aside your ambitions and letting God take the lead.
My struggle wasn’t the result of a mid-life crisis, but of missing God’s purpose for my life. So instead of having another baby, I pressed pause; I stopped trying to figure out what would make me happy and asked God to take over. That’s when He showed me what it felt like to live with purpose.
When you give God the SPACE to work in your life, he will open doors, fulfill your heart and help you accomplish the purpose you were created for. “…’for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’” Hosea 10:12