Today was one of those days that felt crushing. The heaviness of financial burden and health concerns for family members consumed me. One of those days where any little thing, like someone saying hello to you in a comforting voice, would bring embarrassing tears.
Today was that kind of day. The certainness of my future, my family’s future felt like a thief had come into my home and ripped it away from my clenched hands. I was torn between loving God and questioning his presence. What did I do wrong? What did my family do wrong? Why are we being attacked?
As women, I think we all go through days like this. When it’s hard to see the good because there is so much bad.
When I have days like this, I force myself to repeat these two phrases:
“God is Good” and “God has a Plan”
I have no idea what that plan is, but the bible says he has a plan, so I believe it.
I will repeat this over and over while tears pour down and my throat constricts as if a snake had wrapped itself around my neck slowly suffocating me. I repeat “God is Good” and “God has a Plan” until I have it firmly cemented in my brain. Because on days like these, my brain wavers.
Normally at some point, I will feel God give me some sort of small encouragement. It could be just a feeling, or it could be a physical act performed through somebody else.
Today, as I sat at the kitchen table, deep in my anxious thoughts, my daughter (six years old) says to me, “mom, I want to say a special prayer for you.”
I looked up with tears in my eyes and choked, “OK”. And with that she closed her eyes, folded her hands and said, “God bless mommy. Help her to feel better and for her not to be angry and not to be angry at daddy. Amen” (not sure why she said not to be angry with daddy, because I wasn’t actually angry at him… but that was how she interpreted that moment I guess)
As I opened my eyes and looked at my daughter’s beautiful face, I saw tears of her own. She wiped them away and pointed from my face back to hers. And with a smile she said, “we both feel that”.
We both felt the presence of God, of his peace and presence.
God knew I needed encouragement and prayer and he used my six-year-old daughter to reach out to me and show me that he was near.
Now just in case you were wondering, no my daughter has never asked to say a prayer for me. Yes, she has said her bedtime prayers and asked God to bless me. But never has she said, mommy I’m going to pray for you.
God blessed my child with the wisdom she needed to say that prayer and lift me up.
I swear my daughter was as mature as me (probably more) in that moment. We gave each other that knowing nod, that yes, we both just experienced something magical. Something only God could give us.
If you’re like me and in a season of hardship, where bad has consumed your life and you see no way out. Repeat after me:
“God is Good. God is Good. God is Good. God is Good. God has a plan for me. God has a plan for me. God has a plan for me. I don’t know what it is, but he has a plan and I will trust him.”
Say it with determination as if you are throwing punches at your enemy (Satan), say it towards all the bad that is in your life. Say it because you refuse to let Satan win. Prove him wrong, that when the times get tough you won’t blame God, because that is exactly what Satan wants you to do. Instead pray more, read the bible more, do the exact opposite of what Satan wants you to do. Be THAT kind of Women and know that God is right by your side.
Then, see how God shows up for you today. Look for any little encouragements, and when you find them say thank you to the one who gave them to you.
“For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:9-10